Tuesday, 2 August 2011
It had been months since she was like this. I felt so helpless since I knew what had happened to her.
Matilda, my dear friend had become a living dead person. Her eyes were empty, void of any feelings.
It had all started back in December, when her boyfriend, and her lover, Andrews had broken up with her just because his parents had found out about them and he had to hear a thing or two from them. She said to me,”El, I’ll never be the same again. I’ve lost a piece of my heart, something major –of great importance. The thing is that I didn’t like him, I loved him El.” Her eyes stung with tears that she couldn’t hold back as I hugged her.
Things did not improve as there were problems between her friends, families and all those around her. She could see her six year old group separating, but Matilda, who had always kept her relations intact at the cost of her own life could not help anyone, not even herself. She was falling apart…and no one could see that and catch her.
Andrews, to my shock, acted as though nothing had happened. Matilda came t know every other day about how he was enjoying with his friends and flirting around with girls of his group. She was hurt, but did not bother to bring it up because she still hoped for a silver lining. He messaged her sometimes but ignored her elsewhere…as though he was ashamed to see her and talk to her except once. Their friends were standing in a circle. He came up behind her, took her hand in his and squeezed them lightly, giving her goose bumps. She sighed and blushed. That was the last real smile I’d seen on her face.
He claimed that they might’ve broken up, but they were best friends- this was quite ironical seeing as his “best” friend was dying for him and he couldn’t see it. She tore apart further when she was followed by another bad news- the demise of her grandfather, her mentor and a person to whom she could babble almost anything. She needed some support and ran to the person whom she loved- Andrews. Andrews did support her, but it was what I’d call an artificial support. It was clear that he did it half-heartedly, as though someone was forcing him to do so. Another person whom she ran to was her best friend Alex. Alex was the one who knew each and every of her deepest secrets, her lies and life but most importantly, she knew Matilda’s love, affection and devotion to Andrews. There had been several incidents where she could’ve doubted Alex and Andrews…but by thinking so…she thought that it was a crime, against her conscience. She believed blindfolded that she could bet on her life that the most important people of her life won’t ever betray and hurt her. She forced those thoughts out of her mind. She had a blind trust on people around her, especially on Andrews and Alex. God took off her blindfold and pushed her into brightness which was so bright, that she only saw darkness.
Thunder struck her in June mid. Andrews called her up one day, telling her that though he’d cherished the time they were together, he had moved on since there was no scope further for her in his life and he’d fallen for her best friend, Alex and he hung up. She could not move. A gasp and she fell to the ground. She locked herself in her room and took all the souvenirs that always reminded her of Andrews- she opened her drawer, which was full of gift wrappers, chocolate wrappers and stuff left of what he’d given to her and started crying. She cried when she remembered the dreams they’d dreamt together, the promises they’d made, the feeling of their hands together intertwined, those days she stood so tall and their times together. She cried and cried like hell. She begged for unconsciousness to fall on her but nothing so happened. She wept hysterically, knowing that she’d lost it all. The next day, she came to know about such a news that the Matilda that people knew as a happy, jolly, fun-loving, gullible, sweet and caring girl died. Andrews told her that he’d proposed Alex and she’d consented to it. She tried to hold back her tears and smile but in vain. She ran to her mom and cried in her laps the whole day till she fell asleep.
Disheveled hair, swollen eyes with dried mascara, crushed clothes and depressed and down- this was the Matilda for the months that followed. She had stopped eating. She could not imagine the fact that her best friend, whom she considered more than her family, had deceived her, saying, “I’m sorry…even though we all know there’s nothing for which I should be apologizing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in me to get into a relationship with Andrews. And I couldn’t help it anyways, he proposed me so sweetly…” Matilda could not believe her friend’s words. Whenever she sees today Andrews and Alex together, she holds back, smiles and leaves that place. She was scare to face the world, sacred to see Andrews with her best friend, holding his hands and hugging him, standing at the place where she stood proudly once and she still is but people take turn back on her face and forget her.
Today, she sits alone and quiet. Ask her why and she replies quietly,” I feel safer.” She laughs but not genuinely. She smiles but an artificial one. She’s become over-normal, thanks to works that the Devil has done for her.
I have seen the Matilda I knew die. I even attended her funeral. It was with her friends who said, ”Aw c’mon Matilda…Stop being so melodramatic. Move on... Look...Can’t you see they’re so happy together and perfect for each other? You’re creating problems for them you know...” she’s become numb, emotionless. The harsh realities of life have slaughtered her. Well…thank god she’s not dreaming anymore! Thank god she’s given up yet trying to hang on and fight alone! Thank god she’s become emotionless-no troubles for some people! Thank god…that she’s now subdued, alone and lost. Though she does not love Andrews anymore (I hope she doesn't) yet, she feels cheated, as though someone’s slapped her across her face and pushed to darkness that she’s now become a pessimist.
Her past was never beautiful (for reasons that I’ll keep t myself for her sake) and her present has shattered her so much so that she’s abandoned love, faith and significantly, trust. She doesn’t trust anybody now. She’s now a new Matilda. God knows how much more He’ll test her. People forget that she’s a beautiful girl inside and out…and a human…and there’s a limit to which people can bear…especially a girl like her.
I hereby declare her friends, who did not support her and made gossips and fun of her; her best friend and her lover who’d love her throughout their lives and even after death MURDERERS of Matilda James.